nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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