I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
