Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
