what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
