I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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