'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
