Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
