yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
