Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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