Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
