I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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