and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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