i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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