I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How does one acquire holy water?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
