im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
