I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
