I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
