The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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