dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
where does the pee come out of this thing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
