it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
