that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
