Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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