This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
