Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
