Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
