Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
