i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
