the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
