I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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