How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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