just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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