I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
