I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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