Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
