at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
