dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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