he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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