I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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