careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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