god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In America we eat man semen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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