I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
