peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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