Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
