i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
