Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
