dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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