so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
