Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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