Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
