We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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